Responsible Surrogacy

Information regarding the ethical aspects of the process

The relationship between the child and the surrogate is a difficult issue for many parents. There are parents who want to avoid such contact to avoid any bonding between the parties; others who see it their duty to bring together the child with the surrogate so that they have some contact; and some who do not prefer either option significantly. Similarly, there are different approaches among surrogates: There are those afraid to bond, wishing to break the relationship off as soon as possible, while others long to see the child, if only to make sure he or she is in good health.

There is no one answer that fits all. The right thing is to talk about the issue in advance and reach a common agreement. In this case, transparency can significantly reduce some of the anguish that accompanies surrogates in the days after birth. We encountered cases, for example, in which a surrogate was not sure that she would even be allowed to see the child after birth, even though this was a non-issue for the parents. In this case, lack of communication has created unnecessary tension for the surrogate in the days after birth.

A related (but still separate) issue involves colostrum, the milk produced by the birth giver in the first days after birth. Studies show that this milk helps the child’s immune system during the first days of life. Some parents wish that the surrogate breastfeed the baby during the first days after birth – or at least that the surrogate would express milk using a pump during this period. These issues should be thought of and agreed between the parties in advance.

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