Responsible Surrogacy

Information regarding the ethical aspects of the process

The issue of the relationship with the surrogate and egg donor is a complex one for many parents. There are parents who want to keep in touch with the women and see them as part of the family; others prefer to stay in touch but no more than that; and then there are those who would rather keep only the basic information needed to allow the child to find the surrogate or the egg donor in the future if they choose to. Some parents even prefer not to keep any record indicating the women involved and to avoid any further contact. There isn’t one recommendation that will fit everyone, of course. There are also many differences in the policy one would apply for the relationship with the surrogate and that with the egg donor.

However, we recommend considering that these relationships have two sides (or three if you count the donor), and these expectations and concerns should be shared between these sides. Some women would be happy to stay in touch with the intended parents or meet the child in the near or distant future – and there are others who prefer that the relationship would end once the baby is born. These women might prefer leaving the process behind. Sometimes this decision involves a fear of exposure to her environment, which is not always fully aware of the process. In the case of the donor, a genetic offspring born through a donation that not everyone was aware of might also interfere with her current romantic relationship. Therefore, we recommend that you take into account the perspectives of the surrogate and egg donor in this important decision.

In western states, such as Israel and the US, surrogacy is often considered by the surrogate as a “gift” from her to the parents. Accordingly, the defining factor influencing the level of satisfaction surrogates express following the process depends on the way they feal their “gift” was received. Surrogates who feel that their gift was recognized were satisfied with the process, while surrogates that feel that parents treated the process as a financial transaction, ending once the baby was delivered, felt dissatisfaction with it. Obviouslt, these studies do not neccassarily say anything about any specific surrogate. We recommend that parents get to know their surrogate deeply, in order to accompany the birth – in the days and years to follow – with positive feelings of all involved.

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